Memoir

Mama,

Where are you? I miss you. I think about you a lot and I think about my childhood and how close we were. You were always a friend, a confidant…someone, I could share everything with. I miss that someone, I miss you!

I spent all day yesterday going back the memory lane and thinking about the good old days and my last trip to see you, when you were really ill. It was disheartening; very sad to see you in the state you were and then a few days later, getting a call from Sumit at night breaking the news that was so hard to take. I was all flustered. I spent the next day just lying down. I remember it so vividly. I felt so alone. As god would have it, our stuff from VA reached San Francisco, the same day and when the movers opened the boxes, there were jars of pickles that you had made for me. My heart and eyes were so full. I still have the mango pickle saved. It's value to me is more than anyone would ever know.

Losing you was my biggest fear growing up, so your passing away was very hard for me.

I loved you, love you and always will. I am so lucky I had you for my grandma. No one compares to you. I cherish our memories together, the recipes I have from you, some even in your hand-writing, the mango pickle I still have and so much more. Anything that was yours that I now have has so much value to me than anyone would ever know. It's like having you in some form.

I wish, I had recorded your voice, because I miss it, I miss hearing you. :(

Mama, you have taught me to love unconditionally, you were always a source of strength to me and showed me to always do the right thing. Thank you, for all of that. Thank you.

I love you and always will. I miss resting my head in your lap and just giving you a kiss and a hug passing by where you sat or when you were in the kitchen cooking. I remember, how much you liked it. I miss having a shoulder to cry on. I miss having someone to share things with, who would understand me. I miss that and I miss you.

I hope you are looking over me and I hope you know how much I miss you. I also hope you are peaceful and happy.

I love you, Mama. With fond memories and ever-lasting love,

Gudiya.