Fall the season of festivities!

It's Fall y'all! The colors are gorgeous outside and the season is brimming with festivities! First Halloween and then Diwali, it’s been fun and busy weeks!

Halloween is big in our house especially amongst the boys, I participate in the excitement minus the dressing up. This year however was different, you'll see as you read on!

The costumes are discussed, researched and bought way ahead of time. This year, Tarun had his ready before boys decided on theirs; yes that’s the type of excitement, I'm talking about! Scary movies were watched, decorations were discussed but only if we parents could put them on!

The morning of Halloween Kabir (7) asked me, what I was going to dress up as? I responded with my usual answer “myself”. Then with great disappointment in Kabir's voice came “Agggaiiin!”

I knew I had to do something. The day was long and busy with the Halloween parades at the two schools, along with a parent interview in between.

We got home at 4pm to leave again in an hour for trick or treating at Great Falls Village and a visit to the haunted house. The haunted house was really what the boys wanted to visit, not that they didn't want candy, especially Vir!

I was exhausted and all I needed was a nap but just to make Kabir happy, I took a trip to a store to find myself a simple headgear to get in the Halloween spirit. When I got to the store, they only had a few items left and I found a simple headband with a witch’s hat! I got home excited, put on the headband, showed it to the boys, there were “Yays!” I felt good. I felt I achieved something and made the boys happy. It really was a happy moment. (You'll soon know why I am stressing so much on "happy"). Soon we left for trick or treating.

Another couple of hours of excitement and fun and we were back home. I felt pretty good and decided I was going to reuse the headband. All my future Halloweens were planned!

The next morning, as Kabir ate breakfast with his eyes glued to a book and I sat next to him sipping coffee, there came a voice, “Mama, next year, you are definitely dressing up. We will all wear inflatable costumes and you’ll be the inflatable unicorn.” I sat shocked, in complete disbelief.

I thought I had nailed it last night. What was Kabir saying? I could hear the disappointment yet again. I was sad, very sad that he was disappointed in me but also proud of the way he handled the whole thing.

So now what? An inflatable costume is in my future... what about what I had planned just the night before for ALL the future Halloweens?! We shall see, I might surprise myself again. I never thought I would wear a witch's hat either! All we do for our children!

This week was Diwali, the Indian Festival of Lights and guess who was very excited and wanted to dress up?! ;)

The food preparations started early on, the clay lamps, the tea lights, the sweets were bought, Rangoli was made...there was so much excitement! Even sparklers were bought to make the evening more exciting for the kids.

Diwali takes me back to my childhood; decorating the house with flowers and rangoli, lighting the candles and diyas, the gift giving to relatives and friends. I am fondly reminded of the time in our prayer room with my grandparents, parents and my brother. I am back in that room each year in my thoughts as we get ready to pray. I am reminded of my brother and I mischievously giggling while the grown ups prayed. Such fun we had!

I re-live the Diwali evening back home each year when I soak milk and water in the silver bowl my grandparents used and add silver coins and rings in it just like they did, when I request Tarun to make the holy symbol with saffron and rice like my grandfather did in the plate with the sweet offerings. I love having these rituals that I can continue in my family and share with my kids .

As I drove around running errands today, reflecting on this sequence of Halloween and Diwali, I appreciated my children’s excitement for Halloween more and their expectation of me to dress up just like I have from them on Diwali, when I take out the Indian Kurtas for them to wear. The Kurtas I have chosen and bought when I visited New Delhi last. How much I want them to immerse in the culture and enjoy the festival as I did growing up...things that bring me joy, the family, the love and the memories I relive and want to continue to make.

This week has been a flood of emotions and today I am thinking of Mama even more. I feel she is closer to me today than she was 12 years ago when she left us this day, for a more peaceful place. I am so thankful for her and her unconditional love. So much of who I am is because of her. Mama, I miss you so much. I am so lucky to call you mine. Love you tons, then, now and always. :-*

I wish my family continues to celebrate together, enjoys little things and makes countless memories. At the end, memories are all we are left with and hold so dear.


xoxo

Happy Birthday, Mama

My dearest Mama,

I wanted to be the first one to wish you a very happy birthday! On days like today my heart is heavy and my mind is full of memories. Trips to the clock tower to get veggies and stopping for a glass of freshly squeezed juice on the way back, trips to Kamla Nagar from where you would buy me my favorite imported gum from the candy store. Trips to Gaylord for ice cream on Sundays are only a few of the flashbacks I have been having.

Recently, how much I have thought about the bread raita you used to make. Mom made the mango chutney you used to make and I am so glad to have that taste back. I still lick the plate like I used to earlier. It reminds me of you every time I eat it. I have requested for a bigger jar next time. I hope I get it.

Mama, I miss you more than I can tell. I miss the coach you were to me. Please visit me in my dreams and advice me on what I want to know. I want to learn from you even today. I really do.

Mama, I love you dearly and I am so glad to have had you for my grandmother, my friend and my well wisher; someone who genuinely cared for me and understood me. I really miss that someone. 

I am so glad to have had you as part of my life and I am so very glad to have some beautiful memories of our times together that I can cherish and live the rest of my life with. I am so glad to have our stories that I can share with my children.

Thank you for being my mentor, my friend and a very compassionate grandmother, who had the biggest heart and the warmest hugs. I would want nothing more tonight than to see you in my dreams. Please visit me.

Mama, I love you and miss you very much. Thank you for always being there and for your unconditional love. Thank you for being YOU.

Happy Birthday.

With fondest memories,
Gudiya

Memoir

Mama,

Where are you? I miss you. I think about you a lot and I think about my childhood and how close we were. You were always a friend, a confidant…someone, I could share everything with. I miss that someone, I miss you!

I spent all day yesterday going back the memory lane and thinking about the good old days and my last trip to see you, when you were really ill. It was disheartening; very sad to see you in the state you were and then a few days later, getting a call from Sumit at night breaking the news that was so hard to take. I was all flustered. I spent the next day just lying down. I remember it so vividly. I felt so alone. As god would have it, our stuff from VA reached San Francisco, the same day and when the movers opened the boxes, there were jars of pickles that you had made for me. My heart and eyes were so full. I still have the mango pickle saved. It's value to me is more than anyone would ever know.

Losing you was my biggest fear growing up, so your passing away was very hard for me.

I loved you, love you and always will. I am so lucky I had you for my grandma. No one compares to you. I cherish our memories together, the recipes I have from you, some even in your hand-writing, the mango pickle I still have and so much more. Anything that was yours that I now have has so much value to me than anyone would ever know. It's like having you in some form.

I wish, I had recorded your voice, because I miss it, I miss hearing you. :(

Mama, you have taught me to love unconditionally, you were always a source of strength to me and showed me to always do the right thing. Thank you, for all of that. Thank you.

I love you and always will. I miss resting my head in your lap and just giving you a kiss and a hug passing by where you sat or when you were in the kitchen cooking. I remember, how much you liked it. I miss having a shoulder to cry on. I miss having someone to share things with, who would understand me. I miss that and I miss you.

I hope you are looking over me and I hope you know how much I miss you. I also hope you are peaceful and happy.

I love you, Mama. With fond memories and ever-lasting love,

Gudiya.

Happy 4 months!

 Vir, it's unbelievable that today you have completed 4 months. Time is sure running fast and you are growing at an unimaginable rate.

You are starting to grab things now; be it your books, toys or our fingers.

You can also hold your bottle.

You have started to put your thumb in your mouth too.

You can now stand when we hold you. You have been pushing a lot and have been rolling to your side!

Dad put you in the high chair yesterday and you could actually sit for a little bit without falling!

All this is great progress!

We went for your 4 month check-up today and while everything looked good, your weight is on a much lower side of the percentile. I hope it picks up in the next couple of months.

This past month, you took your first long drive. It was to Allentown to visit Ammi's!

It was a great trip and you did great during the drive. We were a bit unsure on how it was going to go. What a blessing it is to get all that love! We are all very lucky! 

You also made your first trip to the Air and Space Museum and the Zoo; this was over K's birthday weekend.

And that's us celebrating K's 3rd birthday!

He's a big boy now who LOVES to play with you, hold you, kiss you and just be around you! :)

Kabir even tried to take a bath in the sink, just like you do! It was hilarious! :)

At night, you have been sleeping one good stretch of about 5 hours and then waking up every 2-3 hours. Here are a few of your right out of bed shots! :)

Another great month, Vir! You are surely getting cuter and we all love you very much! :)

O, you have been talking in baby language and recently sometimes what you say sounds like Mama! I love it!! :)

Happy Birthday, Sweetie and lots of love always!

Mama